Survivor Twelve
by Remote Perspectives
Summary: Based off Survivor, twelve contestants in the twelfth series have to battle it out for the cold million. But, with contestants such as G. Grissom, Super Mario and Russell Coight, chaos is insured! To top it all off, the rules have changed significantly.
1. PROLOGUE

**PROLOGUE**

"Are you ready for a whole new series?" asked a man in a very expensive business suit. The other man looked up. He was wearing sunglasses and had short, black hair. "Another series? Get stuffed," replied Jeff Probst, the host of all previous Survivors. "I always get the raw end of the stick... how come the winners of Survivor get the million while I get the forty-thousand? I litrally do the same shit the other fags do..." Jeff continued, his face red with anger. "Well... we could always go to Mark Burnett. Who knows? Maybe he can _bend the rules _a bit for the next series? Maybe he will pay you more for originality?"

So both the man in the suit and Jeff walked into Mark Burnett's very comfy CBS office. "What is it now, Jeff?" asked Mark, who was smoking a cuban cigar and reading the lastest issue of Better Homes And Gardens. Jeff cleared his throat. "I was wondering if we could... you know, _bend the rules _for our next Survivor series? We can try and make it more original... make more money," Jeff said hurridly. The man in the suit nodded in agreement. Mark put down his magazine and looked at Jeff closely. "Hang on... thats a great idea! How come I never thought of it before?" asked Mark in astonishment. Jeff beamed with pride. "We can add a unique twist to the already twisted Survivor series!" the man in the suit said. "Hmm... adding a person like Russell Coight... or Super Mario to the series would make it more 'fun'," he continued, beaming with pride himself. "Russell Coight? But he's in Australia! And Super Mario? What have you been smoking? He's a video game character, not a real person!" Mark replied, taking another puff of his cigar.

"Mario is real, and so is a whole heap of other people you might not of thought were," the suited man said. He pulled out his mobile phone and dialled a few numbers. "...Hello, send him here... yes, that him, the plumber in the red... all his mates too, send them here..." the man said into his phone. "What's he playing at?" Mark mouthed out to Jeff. Jeff shrugged in reply. Five minutes past before the door opened, and in came Mario in his red overalls and all. The cigar dropped out of Mark's mouth in shock. "He's real?" asked Mark, confused. "I thought he was a video game character, or something. My daughter plays him quite alot, apparently," Jeff said to Mark. Mario looked around, appearing confused. "What am I doing here? I was-a called up here by-a security," he said in his Italian accent. Mark chuckled. "Well I don't know what you did, but well done!" Mark said to the man in the suit. "So..." Mark said, pointing his stubby finger at Mario, "Do you know the rules to Survivor?" he asked. Mario nodded. "I was-a watching an episode a couple of days ago. It-a looked fun," Mario said, nodding again. Mark picked up his cigar and held out his hand for a handshake, in which Mario accepted obligingly. "Nice to have you apart of the show... it's no girls scout camp, mind you," Mark said hastily before showing Mario the door. "Goodbye," Mario said excitedly.

Russell Coight, an Australian outback adventure, famous for his blunt stupidity and his own television show, got a suprise phone call from the CBS headquarters in the United States of America. "G'day," Russell said grudgingly, fanning himself with his hat. "Um, hello. This is Mark Burnett, from CBS America. Do you wish to take part in Survivor, series twelve?" asked Mark. Russell squinted at his surroundings. "What... your breaking up, I can't here you," replied Russell, with his phone making crackling noises. Mark held his phone, then groaned. "Do YOU wish TO take PART in SURVIVOR TWELVE?" Mark shouted into his phone. Russell squinted again. "You want to bomb my car? Sorry, I need my car... I can't let you do that," he replied. Mark groaned again. "Let me do it," Jeff said angrily. "Hello, hello? I have it working now," Russell said. Jeff placed the phone to his ear. "Russell... do you want to appear on Survivor twelve?" he asked. "Survivor twelve?" asked Russell, "Yeah, maybe I can show the world my outback skills," Russell said, smiling. Jeff turned to Mark, then smiled. "I got to him," Jeff said.

Over the same week Mark Burnett called up a few other people, including William Petterson, otherwise known as Gill Grissom from CBS's own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. He was very willing to appear on Survivor, claiming that "Survivor was his absolute favourite TV show (apart from CSI)," and that "Mark Burnett's wife is a sneaky bitch." The man in the suit, who's name is Charlie, managed to get hold of Sonic the Hedgehog and a few other video game characters, claiming that "They are not really video game characters, just unpaid people," and Jeff managed to persuade Mark into adding some of his new concepts to the new series of Survivor.

"All I can tell you," Mark Burnett said to the readers of this story, "is that there will be three teams of four, wierd concepts and deadly endings to those who get evicted. Stay tuned for the first episode, which will be shown very soon."


	2. EPISODE 1: Enter The Contestants

**EPISODE ONE: ENTER THE CONTSTANTS**

**DAY ONE**

"Welcome to another series of Survivor. I am your host, Jeff Probst!" Jeff said excitedly, facing the camera. He was sitting in a helicopter, flying over a very large island. "This is Regnad Island, a place known for it's dangerous wild animals and rugged scenery," he continued, facing the camera again. "Our Survivor contestants are in the cargo hold of this helicopter, so lets go meet them!" Jeff said excitedly again, getting up from his chair and walking through a door in the back.

The room was full of all sorts of people and… things. Super Mario was there, as was William 'Grissom' Petterson, Sonic the Hedgehog (who looked very lifelike), Harry Potter (who skipped school to come here, according to Charlie), Russell Coight (who was struggling to put on his parachute), Adrian Monk (who wishes his real name to be kept secret), George Bush (the 'happy-go-lucky' president of the United States) and John Howard (who pleaded to join the show, and also he's the prime minister of Australia-land).

"We had four other contestants," Jeff said, "But they left without any reason. Looks like it will be four verse four," he continued. "Are you all ready?" Jeff asked. Everyone nodded. "On the count of three you will be dropped. But don't worry, you should have your parachutes on!" Jeff said to the contestants. Everyone nodded, except for Monk. "Are… are you sure these things are sanitary?" asked Monk, who had pulled out a packet of wipes. Jeff groaned. "We warned you about this, Adrian! None of the hygiene crap, remember?" Jeff said angrily. After much wiping, Monk managed to put on his parachute. "Once we reach the ground we will find out which teams you are on. Ready?" shouted Jeff. "One… two… THREE!"

All contestants jumped out of the helicopter at the same time… well, all except for Russell. He didn't put his parachute on properly and tripped before he could jump. "Ayeeeee!" Russell screamed as he fell hundreds of meters into thick bush land. Jeff didn't hesitate to pull out a piece of paper and scribbled Russell's name off it. "I knew this was coming…" Jeff muttered, watching the other contestants glide peacefully to the ground with their parachutes in tact. "I saw Russell fall to the ground," muttered Grissom, who was eyeing off the bush in which Russell had fallen into. George laughed. "That idiot had it coming," he said, chuckling. Sonic shook his head. "Poor guy, didn't know what he was doing… but I thought he was an outback adventurer?" Sonic asked suspiciously. John Howard frowned. "Lucky we are in America… or I'd be filling out loads of paperwork!" John said. Monk just whimpered. "He should have used one of my wipes…" Monk said, feeling his lower pocket incase his wipes had gone missing. Harry Potter and Mario said nothing. It was justifiable if they didn't see Russell Coight fall. "Well, we need to get on with the show. No more distractions!" Jeff said angrily.

"We will now determine teams. Please put your hand in the basket and pull out a coloured ball. A blue ball makes you 'Team Fly Spray' and a red ball makes you 'Team Gee String'. Good luck," Jeff said excitedly, holding up the straw-coloured basket. John Howard was the first to put his hand into the basket. "Looks like I'm in the Gee String," he said, showing Jeff the red ball. One by one everyone grabbed a ball and found out their teams. It took Monk a while to put his hand in the basket, but he eventually grabbed the last ball. "The teams are as follows," Jeff said, "Adrian Monk, Harry Potter and Gill Grissom, you are team Fly Spray!" shouted Jeff, pointing towards the west side of the island. "Head off now," he continued. A freakish yell cut Jeff off. "I'm here, I'm here!" the disgruntled Russell Coight said, running towards Jeff and crashing into him. Jeff got up and kicked Russell. "What the heck are you doing? I thought you were dead?" Jeff said angrily. "Oh well," he continued, "You can join team Fly Spray. They are one short," Jeff said. Russell ran off towards Grissom, Harry and Monk. "And… the rest of you, you can head off toward the east side of the island. Set up your camp there," Jeff said, pointing towards the east. The other contestants ran off post-haste.

DAY TWO 

"Arrgh… have you started that fire yet?" Grissom asked angrily towards Monk. Monk cowered. "I'm sorry… I will start straight away… let me get the firewood," Monk replied, looking nervously at the ground. Grissom nudged Harry and said softly, "You better go with him." Harry and Monk started walking towards the forest, close to where Russell had fallen earlier. "So how are you, Harry?" asked Monk, smiling lightly, then frowning. Harry looked at Monk. "Not bad... I'm a wizard…" Harry replied. Monk's face turned a dark shade of blue. "A… a… a wizard?" Monk asked in disbelief. "Yep," Harry replied, "Watch this!" Harry said as he took out his wand and shouted _"ACCIO FIRE"_, lighting the piece of wood Monk was holding on fire. "ARRGH hot, hot!" Monk shouted, his face full of fear. "Your dangerous, aren't you?" Monk asked in shock. Harry shook his head. "No I'm not?" Harry said, but then shouted in glee. "Monk… we have a way to get fire!" Harry shouted, with Monk looking at Harry with the same amount of glee.

"Where the heck have you been guys? The challenge is about to start!" Grissom said angrily as he beckoned Monk and Harry towards him. "We just got the letter with our challenge: _You have no bed, you haven't been fed, but after this challenge, you'd wish your dead. _Sounds interesting, huh?" Grissom said. Monk read the letter over and over. "…You'd wish you were dead? I don't like the sound of that," Monk said. "Well of course it's meant as a joke… we wont die, what are you worrying about?" Grissom asked Monk. Harry just laughed. "You guys are so up tight. Where is Russell by the way?" he asked, looking around. "Gathering food… I think…" replied Grissom. "Harry, would you mind getting him?" Grissom asked. "No way," Harry replied, "You can get him," he said, pointing at Grissom. Grissom sulked away. "Fine, fine," he sulked, running off towards the bush…

"Come in guys!" shouted Jeff, who was standing on a wooden podium holding a string attached to a sheet covering something. "Are we all ready for the challenge?" Jeff said again, looking at all eight contestants. Grissom nodded nervously. Monk looked around. Russell chuckled. Harry Potter brought out his wand. "That's-a cheating!" Mario said angrily, pointing at Harry's wand. Jeff nodded. "Harry… give me the wand. I'm confiscating it," Jeff said, snatching the wand off Harry. "Now," Jeff said, pointing towards two extremely thin planks of wood suspended in the air and ten meters apart from each other, "The mission of this challenge is to throw eggs at the opponent while standing on your team's wooden plank. You win if the other team falls off. Are you ready?" Jeff said. "What are we playing for?" Russell asked curiously. Jeff laughed. "You will find out if you win. Let the challenge begin."

Both teams scuttled onto their respective plank of wood. The buckets suspended in the air were full of eggs. "Have these eggs been cleaned?" asked Monk, feeling his pockets for his packet of wipes. Everyone on Team Fly Spray groaned. "Are you ready?" Jeff asked. "Ready, set, GO!" Jeff shouted, and everyone started to grab some eggs. 'Target Monk," George said to his teammates. They nodded. Monk could not bring himself to grab an egg. Grissom was the first to be hit with an egg, but he didn't fall. "Johnny you're going down!" Grissom said, grabbing an egg and throwing it as hard as he could at John's face. John got hit in the head and fell backwards, off the plank of wood. "Too bad John," Jeff said. Harry Potter was the next to fall, because two eggs hit him at once.

Next to fall after that was Sonic, who lost his balance on the wooden plank. Mario and Grissom fell off simultaneously after being hit at the same time. It was Russell and Monk vs. George Bush after ten minutes of egg throwing. "We wouldn't want to egg the president of the United States now would we?" George asked. "I need to sneeze," Russell said to Monk. Monk looked worried. "Oh gosh, oh gosh," Monk replied looking around. "Can I borrow a wipe… quickly!" Russell said just as Monk jumped off the plank. George aimed a cracker of an egg at Russell's face, and hit him. Russell fell off.

"Too bad… and the winner is Team Gee String!" Jeff shouted, as the members of Fly Spray slapped Monk. "Why the heck did you jump off?" Grissom asked angrily. Gee String jumped and cheered. "Woohoo! What's our prize?" George asked happily. Jeff pulled the string. The sheets were pulled back and… it looked like three diesel cans. "Three cans of commercial grease… I hope you like it!" Jeff grunted. Team Gee String had their mouths out hanging. "That's our prize?" Mario asked angrily. "People from-a other seasons got-a better prizes then-a this shit," Mario continued, spitting into the ground. Jeff started to walk off. "Remember tomorrow, we play for immunity," Jeff said as he disappeared out of sight.

DAY THREE 

"Johnny Howard… Johnny Howard… I couldn't believe the day that we'd be competing for the million…" George Bush said to his arch-nemesis, John Howard. "Mate, I can't believe it either… stuck on a deserted island with you," replied John, looking very stern. "Let's make an alliance, shall we? We can gang up and vote someone out!" George said very slyly. "If I declined that offer I would look like a nutter," replied John, looking around nervously. "Fine, lets be mates for just this game OK?" John asked. George nodded. "No one declines the president of the United States…" George said quickly. "If we have to vote someone out tonight, I think we should vote out Sonic… he has done shit all for the team," John said. George nodded.

"Welcome back guys!" Jeff said, greeting both teams for the immunity challenge. The planks of wood were still there, but the new addition to the set-up was that there was a dartboard pinned up on a nearby palm tree. There were all sorts of symbols, including a 'smiley face', an 'arrow' and a 'skull'. "I see your all staring at this dart board… well, all this does is determine what will happen to the losing team of today's immunity challenge. If you hit the smiley face, all that will happen is that the person who gets evicted tonight will leave… unscathed. If the dart lands on the arrow, this means that the winning team of today's immunity challenge gets to vote out the person from the losing team, instead of the losing team doing so. And…" Jeff said slyly, "If you manage to get your dart on the skull… we will play a sudden death immunity challenge. All this means is that it's everyone for themselves, and the loser of the sudden death challenge gets killed. Are we ready? Team Gee String, since you won yesterdays challenge you may pick one person to throw the dart," Jeff said, smiling. "I will throw it," Mario said, holding up his arm. Mario grabbed the dart off Jeff and threw it at the dartboard.

It landed on the arrow. "Well that's it, I guess the team that wins today's immunity challenge gets to vote out the person from the losing team," Jeff said. "Now, today's challenge will be a simple one. The aim of the challenge is one person from each team will climb up on to the plank at either side and try to push the other person off. If you are pushed off that means you are eliminated. The winner of the fight gets to stay on. The team that is totally eliminated first loses. Are we ready?" Jeff asked. Everyone nodded. Monk looked more confident then he did yesterday. "Harry and Mario, you up!" shouted Jeff. Both Harry and Mario climbed up on either side of the plank. They wrestled a bit, but it was Harry that fell off. "Your out! Harry!" shouted Jeff. Grissom vs. Mario, but surprisingly Grissom fell. "Darn," Grissom said, sulking off, watching Mario flex his muscles. Russell had a crack at it, but ended up second hand to Mario. "Is there anyone that can stop this Italian stronghold?" Jeff asked.

"MONK!" shouted Grissom as he charged at Mario, knocking him off his balance and making him fall. "Mario… your gone!" Jeff said excitedly. George Bush was up next, but Monk had no trouble taking care of him. Johnny Howard was the next one. John threw a punch at Monk's head, but Monk caught the punch and pushed him off the plank. It was now Monk vs. Sonic, in which Sonic had the obvious advantage. "Come and get me, punk," the blue hedgehog said, laughing. Monk looked at Sonic. "I'm not afraid of you!" Monk shouted. Monk rushed towards Sonic, but Sonic only had to tap him to make him fall off the edge. "Winner… TEAM GEE STRING!" shouted Jeff, ignoring the cheering from Team Gee String. Jeff held up the immunity staff, which had the head of a lion upon it. "Here you go… immunity, and I will see you guys tonight. Remember, you are voting out a member of Team Fly Spray," Jeff said, pointing at Team Gee String. "Good try Monk," Grissom said, patting the poor bloke on the back.

It has been a sad three days for Team Fly Spray. "Have you all thought about who you want to vote out?" asked Jeff, pointing at the members of Team Gee String. "This is a weird tribal council… instead of team Fly Spray voting out one of their own members, you are going to do it for them!" Jeff said excitedly. "Well, George Bush, you up!" he said, pointing at where your supposed to write your vote down. George stood up and walked past the team members of Team Fly Spray, pulling a face while he was walking. He picked up the pen and smugly wrote the name "Monk" on his piece of paper. Next up was Sonic, who picked up the pen and wrote down his choice. Mario was the next up, as he wrote the name "Russell" explaining that "You have done-a nothing for-a your team," and John quickly went up to write down the person he wanted out of the game.

"Now are we all ready?" asked Jeff. Everyone nodded nervously. "One vote," Jeff replied, "HARRY". Harry looked around nervously. Jeff pulled out the second piece of paper. "MONK," Jeff called out. Monk whimpered. Jeff put his hand back into the pot and pulled out the name "RUSSEL". Russell looked down nervously. "The first person voted out of Survivor Twelve is… HARRY," Jeff shouted. Harry quickly stood up and picked up his stick, which had his flame on it. "Harry… the tribe has spoken," Jeff said sadly, putting out the flame at the end of Harry's stick. Harry walked off, looking down as he went. Grissom shook his head just as Harry walked out of sight. "The enemy has voted out a member of your tribe? Harry Potter…" Jeff said. "No one is safe in Survivor Twelve," Jeff continued.

HARRY'S FINAL WORDS 

"Look, I had a good time, and that's what it's all about, right? Grissom you're an all right bloke, and so are you Monk, but Russell you're a dickhead. Good luck to Team Fly Spray!" Harry said.


End file.
